Freeing Me from My Chains

God has blessed me these last couple of weeks with rain and cooler weather (see previous post).  Unfortunately, I think that is coming to an end.   I know he will bless me in other ways!  He is faithful to do so!  Just today he showed me how truly faithful he is and how much he loves me!

This morning I went to church at Iglesia Kairos!  This is a Spanish church that I have been attending regularly.  God drew me to this church for two reasons: the worship, and it felt like home.    The first time I attended the pastor even told me (in Spanish), "This is your home."  Although really the only time I go to this church is Sunday morning, I still feel like I am loved and cared for by each one of those people.  The Holy Spirit is in that place and in those people.  I am always blessed to be there, even if I don't always understand what they are saying.  

Today was different.  I asked the girls that I was with to sit in the back because I was tired of having the gringa (white girl) row in the front middle.  They were cool with it.  Worship started and I could tell that there was something different, something better about today.   We usually stand for most songs until the offering.  After the offering was taken a young man that doesn't usually sing started a slow, beautiful song.  I didn't know the words because it wasn't one of the 8 or so songs that I usually hear.  It was new and beautiful.  I closed my eyes and listened, but when the man behind me started singing that was when the tears started flowing.  A brief thought of wanting a husband that could sing came into my head, but then a small voice said, "It is me your God singing over you".  It was sweet and precious.  I had no clue what was being said yet I knew this was my Father loving me in that moment!    This verse came to mind:

On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:

“Fear not, O Zion;

    let not your hands grow weak. 

The Lord your God is in your midst,

    a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

    he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing.

I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival,

    so that you will no longer suffer reproach.

Zephaniah 3:16-18

After I recovered from those tears, Tonchy started his sermon.  We started reading in Luke 23:26, where Simon carried Jesus' cross and then went on to talk about criminals who spoke of how he could save himself and that he had done nothing wrong.  I was understanding most of what he was saying.  He was sharing the gospel of Christ with me in Spanish and I could UNDERSTAND!!  I think I smiled a little bigger in those moments of total understanding.  I even shook my head as if to say Amen, a few times.  I sat in awe of what God was doing in my head, opening my mind to words that made no sense before, yet today made perfect sense.  It wasn't until he started talking about how the darkness fell over the land that my tears started again.

You see lately I have been sitting in unhappiness/ sadness/ depression.  I am not sure what to call it, but it has been dark and lonely.  I have been listening to Satan's lies about not being good enough for this job as counselor and teacher. I have been judging myself based on the reactions of my students and the fruit, that hasn't had time to form, of my counselees.  In my mind, I have failed and with that comes unbelief that my God is enough, and I have been sitting in shame.  I was reminded by my counselor/ mentor and a card that I pulled from a can that my freedom from this is in His grace and truth…ONLY  in His grace and truth.  Tonchy said this so many times this morning that my sin and my life is purified in the light, love, and grace of Christ.  He loves me in my unbelief!  He loves me in my judgement of self! He loves me in my sad feelings!  Yet, he desires me to trust in Him to heal, to save, to rejoice over me with singing, but most importantly, to be enough.

These words from Psalm 116 have been echoing in my head for at least 5 years when Don McLaughlin had us stand at the beginning of every sermon in his series to read/ recite these verses.  God knew I would need these words again today as much as I needed them 5 years ago!!

" I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of the Lord:

"O Lord, save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.

The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.  

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 

that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.  

I believed; therefore, I said, "I am greatly afflicted,"

And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars"

How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord.  I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.  

O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have FREED ME FROM MY CHAINS!"

Psalm 116: 1-16

His grace frees me from the chains I put on myself.  The chains of expectation, judgement, and shame.  He has saved me, and today in His loving embrace sang over me, he quieted me with his love, allowed me to understand one of his many languages, and showed me that his precious Word reminds me of his presence and power.  He chose me, and he loves me no matter what.  I may not be totally out of this pit of lonely darkness, but I am finding joy in it.

Rain Makes Me Happy!

You heavens above, rain down my righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness flourish with it; I, the Lord, have created it.

Isaiah 45:8

I write this as I listen to the sound of rain hitting my porch roof.  Rain has become one of my favorite things in Santa Cruz.  It is hot here!  I start pouring sweat when I walk out the door for my walk to school.  The sun is not fully up, yet I am sweating.  I long for rain that usually comes with a bit of cool air behind it.  For a few hours, I am briefly relieved from the heat that is Santa Cruz.   

My Birthday 2012

Before I was blessed with the ability to live in Bolivia, I saw rain as a nuisance.  Usually in Georgia and Arkansas there was a threat of tornado with the rain. It caused traffic accidents.  I got wet.  My hair looked horrible.  It canceled baseball games, and made me want to stay home.  I would even sing the song "Rain, rain, go away. Come again some other day."  Even now I still am reminded of the negative effects that rain can have on those around me.  In Santa Cruz, when the down pours of rain come flooding occurs, traffic stops because cars can't drive on the poorly, irrigated dirt roads.   The poor are forced from their homes in the canals, and their ways of making money are halted as they attempt to stay dry.  Businesses even close because of the rain. Last year on my birthday, they canceled school because of the flooding.  The sudden change in weather also causes headaches with some and the flaring up of allergies with others (both of these describe me at times), and even here rain still does nothing for my hair.

My Birthday 2012

A downpour a few days ago...I didn't take this picture.

Yet I still pray for the rain to come.  I have been blessed to see the life-giving quality that rain has for me as well as others.  I get to wear my rain boots and splash in huge puddles.  I get to enjoy the sound of it hitting my umbrella, the roof, and windows.  I enjoy the cool aftermath.  I also enjoy the fresh fruits and vegetables that grow bountifully because of the rain.  This sun-scorched land can cause my weariness, but the Lord showers me with refreshment when the rains come.
  

Horse jumping competition with friends

Jose' jumping in the rain.

Rain is also another sign of God's love for me.  He knows me.  He knows what I need.  He understands my need for something as small as a cool moment, to feel the wind on my skin and the rain falling on my umbrella.  He understands that waking me up with a thunderstorm is sometimes the only way he can get my stubborn attention and remind me of his love.  He brings his rain to refresh, to heal, to love, to bless, and to remind me that I am not alone.  

Today after school

Here are some verses I found about rain and showers from the Lord:

When you, God, went out before your people,

    when you marched through the wilderness,

8 

the earth shook, the heavens poured down rain,

    before God, the One of Sinai,

    before God, the God of Israel.

9 

You gave abundant showers, O God;

    you refreshed your weary inheritance.

10 

Your people settled in it,

    and from your bounty, God, you provided for the poor.

Psalm 68:1-7

He draws up the drops of water,

    which distill as rain to the streams;

28 

the clouds pour down their moisture

    and abundant showers fall on mankind.

29 

Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds,

    how he thunders from his pavilion?

30 

See how he scatters his lightning about him,

    bathing the depths of the sea.

31 

This is the way he governs the nations

    and provides food in abundance.

32 

He fills his hands with lightning

    and commands it to strike its mark.

33 

His thunder announces the coming storm;

    even the cattle make known its approach.

Job 36:27-33

RAINBOW!!

I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of savage beasts so that they may live in the wilderness and sleep in the forests in safety.  I will make them and the places surrounding my hill a blessing. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. The trees will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them.  They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid.

Ezekiel 34:25-28

Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is you, Lord our God. Therefore our hope is in you, for you are the one who does all this.

Jeremiah 14:22

Listen, you heavens, and I will speak;

hear, you earth, the words of my mouth.
Let my teaching fall like rain
 and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.
I will proclaim the name of the Lord.
Oh, praise the greatness of our God!
He is the Rock, his works are perfect,
and all his ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
upright and just is he.
Deuteronomy 32:1-4

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Matthew 7:24-27

Our God creates the rain!  He made it! He allows it to refresh and bless the earth and its people. He rains down blessings of his teaching and his salvation.  He uses it to test and to destroy.  He brings the rain.  He rains down His Holy Spirit and his loving-kindness!  He uses the rain to wash away the impurities in us and make us whole.  Bring your rain, Lord!

Selfie in the rain with bad hair!